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Monday, May 12th, 2014
12:55 pm - Constantine
So they're making a John Constantine tv series on NBC. I'm torn about this project

I was a big fan of the DC comic book back in the 90s, when I was collecting comic books. Hellblazer was dark, part of the Vertigo sub-genre of 'adult' titles, none of which were populated with super heroes. The character John Constantine was an asshole. He used people, he thought about himself more often than not, and his friends had a habit of dying through their association with him. He aligned himself with neither Heaven nor Hell, and thought they were both hypercritical, judgmental places and worked for neither. He didn't like some angels same as he didn't like some demons, and when he got involved in something supernatural, it was usually because someone he knew was involved. Constantine had no abilities. No powers. He was an enigmatic figure whose primary quality was confidence, for he was a paranormal con man. He tricked entities. All charm and confidence, with no fear, he ended up getting further along in various hidden circles than you'd think. He was included/befriended by other DC supernatural characters, like the Phantom Stranger and Dr. Fate, but John generally thought they were all twats for being such do-gooders. Raising a pint at the end of the day in his favorite pub was more important to him than ridding the world of evil.

Constantine the movie came out a handful of years ago, and it wasn't bad, despite starring Keanu Reeves, who played the title character. It could be argued it was terrible casting, since the John Constantine comic book character was a blonde Cockney Brit, and Reeves is none of those things, but he didn't do bad. The movie wasn't bad, considering it watered down THE best comic story arc, which went on for over a year and a half, into a two hour simplified storyline, but it kept the principles mostly intact. I breathed a sigh of relief after the movie, that it didn't foul up the character or the world he inhabited. I felt that it was a neutral victory, since it could have gone so very wrong, like the Crow movie, which missed the theme and the poetic broodiness of the comic, going with a hard rock edge instead.

The two minute trailer I just saw on FB was interesting, but it's getting some things wrong. Constantine is not an exorcist, unlike what the movie seemed to imply, and he's not trying to get his way into Heaven. The very notion of such gives John a moral center he generally lacked in the comic, as well as the willingness to abide by the celestial rules in order to rub elbows with St. Peter. In the comic, Constantine knew enough about the bureaucrachy and hypocrisy of the players on both ends to claim neutrality, sort of like a burnt out voter who no longer identifies with Republicans or Democrats, sees the whole thing as a farce, and goes independent if given a choice. Now, imagine a storyline that revisions this jaded voter as he now works alongside the Democrats, despite not believing entirely in their politics, not truly despises Republicans, just because he wants a Democratic president. A dark horse, anti-hero political activist, who pisses off both sides but ends up doing good in the end. That's a far cry from independent voter, ain't it? So that's how I feel about the Constantine series.

I realize this is NBC, not ScyFy or Cable. They have to go mainstream, and they have to dumb it down to appeal to audiences of all ages, the vast majority who have no idea this was a comic book. They're trying to lure in the same audience who liked Ghost Whisperer, and probably hoping to siphon off viewers of Supernatural, and maybe stir up dejected Fringe fans who feel they have nowhere to go now. That's a lot of different but similar genres you have to sell your product to, so the obvious sharp points will get rounded out in the end. As a viewer who's lived long enough to see books/comic books make it to the big screen, you get used to this kind of refitting.

I just happen to once be passionate about Hellblazer. Of all the projects that could end up onscreen, that's one of the ones I'm most concerned about. I want it to be a hit, but at the same time, I don't want it to be a betrayal of the character during the Garth Ennis years. Ennis singlehandedly redefined the character and the comic, and his version is the most significant in fanboys' memories.

So, final plea: NBC, don't fuck it up

(1 missing finger | poke the bear)

Wednesday, April 30th, 2014
9:30 am - To the one or two of you who may read this
Admittedly, I'm not the same person I was when this journal was in high form. My life has been highly unusual. I've experienced things, learned things, that are deeply ecclectic and niche, and privelleged to be part of teams that delve into the unknown. My life was probably rudderless and random about 10 years ago, and now it has direction and order. I still do the things I normally do; watch movies, watch plays, go drinking in bars, hit up Vegas, etc., but I feel little need to share that here because they're not particularly interesting to me, and certainly not very interesting to write about anymore.

Plus, the change of media. About 10 years ago, I had a very active online life. I chatted constantly. I had a number of friends who I would chat with weekly, if not daily. Strong friendships were formed; none of which linger to this day anywhere close to the same level. Being on the computer so much, typing and interfacing for so many hours, you get very involved in writing and being able to concisely convey ideas and stories. Now, Facebook has replaced Livejournal for the vast majority of my old friends' list, and the FB chat function seems weaker than AIM, and the idea of a random chat room seems all but out of date. I was getting by exchanging converstations through text and phone calls, but those dried up too. These days, I can go over a week without a phone call, and the texts I exchange are direct and involve specific points; not conversational and open. It's just the nature of growing up, getting older. You have to keep on replacing your friends, and I haven't been doing that, though I have taken steps now to do so. Computer-based interaction seems to be phasing out, text is a poor replacement, so in-person, face-to-face interface is the new black

I've started taking therapy. I know that I've got some deep rooted issues that are holding me back, and I feel that taking steps to undo my childhood stranglehold will do wonders in helping me evolve into the fully operating emotional human that I believe I can be. Surprisingly, a lot of my upbringing has molded my adult life in ways that I hadn't noticed. I hope to correct that, so that those lessons from long ago no longer have any power over me.

I'm very good at what I do, as an empath, a spiritual teacher, a ghosthunter, and even a mentor. I've led teams, helped many people achieve success in development. This is all very rewarding, and I am happiest when these opportunities arise. None of these traits existed for me 10 years ago, so yeah, my priorities will have changed in a decade, and frankly, it'd be depressing if I was the same person 10 years later.

I was never one to follow the traditional path. The suburbs aren't for me. I have no interest in kids, of white picket fences. The more my contemporaries follow these paths, the less connected I seem to be with them. From a very early age, I knew that the specific experiences I had had up til then would mold me in unusual ways, for I shared no common interest with my classmates.

I am becoming the person I somewhat always dreamed of being. A man of high wisdom and spiritual power; a sage of disciplines and abilities. A John Constantine icon type. There is a vast amount of information and knowledge I have that the average person will never know, and the things I will do with this body of learning will be interesting someday. Writing about all this is helpful. There are many times I wish I could tell someone, and not even Heather really knows how I feel inside, so putting this in words helps give me clarity and release.

If my words seems strange, the tone bizarre, that is unfortunate, but this is how I roll these days. I'm still the old Steve, with the same humor, observation and persona, but there are high sea changes beneath the veneer

(poke the bear)

Monday, April 28th, 2014
1:28 pm
It's been over a week since my last real update. That week had been hectic, and I was distracted by much.

I feel that a change is taking place. A crossroads was travelled upon, and I have chosen a path unlikely to have been an option before.

I'm turning pagan

I've always been drawn to that stuff before; withcraft, paganism and the like, but that's just it. It had only been an appealing idea for most of my life. Raised Catholic, I stayed with the church until the age of 22 or so. I had been a model boy my age, for up to my dropping out of that faith, I had been an altar boy, regular usher on Sundays (collecting the donations, row by row), 11 years of Catholic school, co-leader of the teen club, and a member of the young adults, plus I regularly picketed the local woman's clinic. But even though I was doing all of that, I didn't fully believe in that stuff. I had wanted to, but it didn't really do it for me. I was kind of doing it to appease my dad partly, for we did a lot of things together after that, so the bonding experience was important to me. I also did it partly because I wanted to belong to something that took a stand; to be a good soldier for a cause. That seemed important to me back then.

I've written about this before, what led to me washing my hands of the Church. I won't repeat it here.

So cue this 20 years later, and I decided to chance upon a pagan Meetup group. I had been to pagan fairs before, and flirted with the idea of joining covens/groups that were inviting new members. Part of the reason that held me back was an experience I had with a 'coven' at the Renaissance Faire, which I worked with 2 consecutive years. They were a non-profit booth, offering a game that always won, for $2 a player. I guess a lot of money was raised. The nature of the group was highly sexual. The game itself was called Coits, and various props and costume affectations were phallic, and the prize was a ticklefeather, which was used for high fliration. The role I had gravitated to was street hawker; luring in women/girls to play the game through seductive enticement, often through use of the ticklefeather. I was good at it. I was a handsome young man in those days, and it definitly helped to lure in women, plus I had a natural charm that I dripped over them once I caught their attention. Oddly enough, despite all of this, I was kind of ascetic and detached from most romantic encounters that went beyond making out. The coven who operated Coits was pretty immoral and overtly sexual. Behind the booth, there would be free beer and a few topless women of various ages. At night, when the faire ended, orgies were the thing. Mass fucking of all kinds. Most of the coven was bisexual. I always made it a point to get the hell out of Dodge when the faire-closing bell was heard, because it made me uncomfortable that some of the menfolk were interested in me. And a number of the women.

I was semi....dating (?) this 18 year old girl named Chris who was the biggest slut I have ever met to this day. She would be dropped off at the faire gates on Friday night with just the clothes on her back, and would have to barter her pussy for lodging, food, and drugs, and would hook up with this guy she was banging in my booth, plus would be a member of the nightly orgies. Any given weekend, she would have had over several dicks in her. What we had was kind of innocent and sweet, whatever that means. We had made out behind the booth one day, and we'd walk around hand in hand through the faire at times. Everybody she'd sleep with, it was only sex, but we had something romantic. She had very much wanted to sleep with me, and I was somewhat interested in sleeping with her but the amount of penises she entertained every weekend made me exceptionally wary, and at night, she was impossible to keep track of, wandering from tent to booth, scoring drugs and visiting friends. Even if I had wanted to fuck her, I wouldn't know how to either find her or how to lure her back to my tent, and I sure wasn't attending one of those Coits orgies. Because we had never hooked up, she started to get ticked off at me, thinking I wasn't interested in her, and started giving me the cold shoulder. I guess it was a little strange that someone who gave off such a strong sexual vibe like me (big flirt, had some subtle costume pieces that were arguably sexual) would be keeping it in his pants in the naughtiest booth at the faire, but truth be told, I was a little afraid of openly sexual gay men who were sometimes looking to recruit straights. That happened sometimes, because the faire was a sexual maelstrom where a lot went on behind closed doors, er, zipped tents, and many people's morals were not only tested, but misplaced entirely. Virginities were lost in large numbers, to the point where it was unusual to find a virgin over the age of 16, and one night stands were as casual as hugs.

In those days, I was still semi in love with this girl, Shilo, who I had dated earlier. We broke up, but there was a lot of closure that was needed, and it pained me greatly when she lost her virginity to some player who dumped her right afterwards. In those days, I was greatly repressed emotionally, and was kind of tightly wound, and had issues with people. I usually had to get liquored up to hawk the various booths I worked at. Liquid courage. When Shilo and I were together, I was admittedly distant and reserved, unsure how to express myself. She was honestly kind of the same, so it wasn't something that could move forward. It wasn't until my 30s that I came into my own, and became a gregarious person with leadership ability who had no issue speaking in front of a group. So that was me, this reserved guy, mooning over a lost love, trying to avoid hooking up with skeevy people in meaningless sex. It didn't help that half of the coven were over 40 (about a quarter of the coven was over 50), and it was questionable which guys were straight or bi. So yeah, my uncomfortableness of the whole thing prompted me to duck out constantly when mingling was happening.

Also at the faire, there was Beltane, the fertility ritual. There was always a big Beltane event around the maypole every year, and that led to a lot of hookups. I almost fucked some girl I just met my first year, except that she had this clinical problem with her vagina where it was unnaturally sensitive to touch, and sex was extremely painful for her, so we just made out instead. I found the Beltane ritual beautiful and comforting, and found the sexual stuff in the end unnecessary at the time, and was a little alarmed that a couple gay guys were lurking with the girls, approaching the men, trying to score a random one-night stand.

I bring all this up because this was my first brush with a coven, and it made me feel uncomfortable and I flat out didn't trust them, and I felt that if I lowered my guard, they'd get me drunk and have their way with me. Going to these pagan fairs, I'd look at the covens, and wonder/suspect they operated the same way, that they were only recruiting people because they wanted more people to sexually initiate. It seemed that every one of these cults had either a male leader/priest or there was some hairy shirtless man somewhere near leadership position. Even though I was older and no longer reserved and definitely not hung up about sex, I wasn't sure if I wanted to dabble in paganism if a sexual atmosphere went hand in hand, because most of these pagan groups weren't that attractive, and seemed to be 60/40 male. I wanted something spiritual, and not another psuedo hookup party like the Coits group (their name to this day slips my mind).

But starting last year, I started to look harder. I joined a moon ceremony that I found online, and it was pleasant and normal, with average people, and no one was looking to score. I was invited back, and made a very good impression on one of the girls as I figured her out, issues and all, within 15 minutes of meeting her. She definitely wanted to see me again, but I ended up losing the email, and I haven't returned. I found a pagan Meetup group this year, and I've been to a couple meetings, and I like them, and they like me. I hit it off with a couple people, and I'm talkative and friendly, and fit right in. The second ceremony was last night, and it was Beltane. It wasn't anything like the one I experienced back in the 90s. I was hoping the beautiful singing and chanting and dancing were going to be on list, but this group is a little older, so it was a tame calling-of-the-circles. Because most of the women didn't show up, we forgo'd the maypole dance. I've been invited back for specific things, and it's nice to feel included.

In this group, seemingly most of the coven is older than me, and mostly male. There's one young girl, Maggie, who's blonde and beautiful but lives about 2 hours from me. I've only seen her once, and was hoping to see her last night, but she flaked on her RSVP. It'd be interesting to date a pagan at this point in my life. Even though it's most likely that it'll remain a platonic membership with this group, I foresee some good commradery and I'm glad that I'm taking this step.

(3 missing fingers | poke the bear)

Thursday, April 24th, 2014
5:04 pm - Quotes
"Nothing can take the sting off the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other golden statues" - Billy Crystal (regarding the Oscars)

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are" - Anais Nin

"It's easy to become a millionaire - start out as a billionaire and then buy an airline" - Richard Branson

(poke the bear)

Monday, April 7th, 2014
2:39 pm - This will interest none of you, but this has been bugging me today
The ghosthunting adventures of yours truly is off and on. My last group folded, and Heather and I do house cases only. Our group/class that we teach meets seldom, though we're planning another class soon, with mostly new members. Heather is employed by my friend Patrick, who used to be my teacher in certain spirit-release techniques. They do over the phone psychic work, helping people across the world, anything from demonic activity to the inability to let go of childhood issues. Any problem whatsoever they can fix it. She gets paid decent money, and that's her primary focus for now. In this span, she's grown extremely powerful. Our particular spiritual paths have diverged, and now I am merely an advisor, driver and occasional energy provider. We're so not peers any longer, and any activity that she tells me about, it's mostly because she needs a ride or doesn't want to go alone. My contributions as a spirital co-leader are minimal and mostly unnecessary.

So I've been developing on my own. Reading on my own. Pursuing my own studies, advancing my own abilities. It really shows that our skill sets are different, our training different. When we meet with clients, she does all the heavy lifting, and I just help articulate the procedures to the client. Just the PR guy. But there are times I'm not needed for that. Heather's really getting noticed, and recognized for her unique mediumship abilities that have no peer. And I'm her friend. She gets paid decently through her various services. I just ask for gas money. Like, last night, she removed a curse from a family line. I helped provide energy. The client paid her $440. My cut was $20. She did 95% of the work, took all the risks, did all the research, and her ability to see things no one else can see makes her role in this central.

If and when she ever gets a car, she won't need me at all, especially since our mutual friend, Rachel, is moving back to town this week. Rachel and her have been getting real close, and they're going to be roommates. Rachel has been developing strongly on her own, and through Heather's guidance. I'm really not going to be needed soon enough.

I'm a little hurt by this development, but not really. My contributions to her issues have been minimal for the past year, and she doesn't turn to me with spiritual problems anymore, so I've gotten used to being independent for a little while. The vector of our friendship will be redefined soon enough, and it's inevitable. Truth is, I put up with Heather's myriad of dramas just in the hopes it got around to talks of ghosts, or UFOs or divinity or whatever. If those topics aren't brought up, that leaves only the drama, which I'm completely indifferent about.

Part of me is hoping that her new living arrangement of living with two roommates will involve her needing me less, and our talks getting more infrequent. Unless we're working together on paranormal activities, I don't necessary need to hear about her annoying family/friends/boss/boyfriends/roommates.

We're best friends, but we are drifting apart, due to networking, interests and development levels. The time has come to shelve what we've built together, and let her go, and also time to discover something new for myself. I need to join more meetup groups, put myself out there, find out what speaks to me as of 2014. I've been a ghosthunter for about 7 years. I've been a psychic development instructor for a few. The partnership of Heather and I is coming to an end, and I need to find a new direction, for I have been dragging on her coattails as she gets discovered, and her ability and recognition gets me invited places, but this is not for any service or acknowledgement that I put out there. It's time I make my own way, even if it's less noteworthy.

I haven't been excited about much for some time now. That needs to change.

current mood: contemplative

(1 missing finger | poke the bear)

Friday, April 4th, 2014
1:56 pm - I don't know if people still read this
I felt like writing. It's been a good deal of time since I wrote anything thoughtfully in this journal. I admit, I frequent other sites/social media for distraction, and so have most of you, leaving this place in mostly obsolete status. I do miss writing my thoughts. What passes for thought-having in Facebook is limited and seemingly inferior as a medium, but that's what people are switching to.

I'd like to start putting heavier thoughts in here. Whether I can stay committed to this ambition is an exercise in follow-through. But the baseline is, I would like to write more.

So many people I've met through here in one form or another. I've watched them grow into adulthood, get careers, educations, spouses. My happy memories of this place are dated. Absolutely none of those memories are current, so the very feat of writing here is akin to waking the dead. Banishing cobwebs, clearing the clutter in my mind and honing it into an instrument that can narrate once again.

It's lunchtime now, and I will not really do anything constructive here when I have other options. This post is nothing but a statement. A lightning strike in the sky. Ephermal, but meaningful in some small way. I hope to return here and try and recapture the joys of writing once again.

(2 missing fingers | poke the bear)

Thursday, March 27th, 2014
1:19 pm - Quotes
"We light upon one evil and hit it with all the might of our civilization but only succeed in scattering it into a dozen of other forms" - James Weldon Johnson

"There are two ways to slice easily through life - to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking" - Alfred Korzybski

"It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics" - Fletcher Knebel

(poke the bear)

Thursday, February 20th, 2014
5:57 pm - Quotes
"If you're the smartest person in the room, find another room" - Michael Dell

"It is easier to build a child than fix an adult" - Frederick Douglass

"It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out; it's the pebble in your shoe" - Muhammad Ali

(poke the bear)

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014
2:04 pm - SyFy's Opposite Worlds
Has anyone watched this reality show yet?

Have do you think?

I think it's a trainwreck and can only lead to hilarity. It's awesome in it's lack of foresight and poorly thought out challenges. I surmise that each week, the show will get more desperate to maintain control due to the game getting out of hand.

In theory, the show has legs. Two teams; one living in a state-of-the-art future-esque condo, with hot tub and every nicety you can think of, the other living in a cold equivalent of a barn, eating stale bread and baby carrots, where starting a fire is a good day. There's a large window separating the two teams, as they can watch with mild interest or strong jealousy what the other team is up to. The teams' stay in their particular habitats can change weekly, depending on the result of the 'challenge'.

Here's where the silliness comes in

You'd think the challenge would be task-oriented. Either trivia or physical tasks, where correct answers or speed selects the winning team. NOPE!!!! It's an American Gladiator-esque face-off on an elevated platform, where the loser is knocked off. And...did I mention that both combatants are armed with baton-sized TASERS??? They're two-handed and unwieldy so so far no one's really zapped the other yet, but it's only a matter of time. Or used it like a billy club to batter the other person off the ledge. The area beneath the platform is not as cushioned as you'd think it would be. In the first episode, 3 people on the 'past' team (the fire-making team) got hurt. One apparently broke his femur, another sprained her finger, and a third left with her arm in a sling. Once people start getting tased and shocked off what looks like a 1.5 story platform, and falling awkwardly due to the fact their muscles are contracting because of the electrical jolt, the injuries can only increase.


Let's consider the fairness involved here. The future team sleeps in comfortable beds, temperature-controlled rooms, and has access to a hot tub if they are aching, plus has catered meals. The past team sleeps on the ground, is cold the majority of the time, and has a shitty diet. The challenges are apparently one a week, meaning the past team is coming off 7 days of sore backs from sleeping on a hard surface, and a diet depleted of protein and short on carbs. How can they ever compete in these Hunger Games-like challenges? Plus, after the first episode, one of their men is out indefinitely, and one of their woman has a hurt finger and may have grip issues. It'll only get harder for them to win, which means week after consecutive week stuck in the barn.

And to top it off, whoever cast the show put the bigger, more physically capable people on the future team. They have this bodybuilding fireman who's like 6'3 who towers above everybody else. Know how he knocked his opponent off the platform? Simply pushed him with one hand.

Every week, someone gets eliminated, and this elimination is the result of the audience calling in. It's a stupid voting reality show. America likes winners, so I don't see the past team staying intact when they continue to lose. Week after week, someone gets sent home, and the frustrations will mount for the past team, and they'll seem angry and bitter have to watch the future team drink champagne in their hot tub, while they themselves are huddled around a flickering fire in dirty blankets. Why would America want to keep a bunch of dirty, grumpy players, as opposed to freshly bathed, positive players? Then what will the show do when they have unfair inbalances, like 5 people on one team, and two people on the other, and with one of those two leaning on a crutch, as they vamp up for yet another round of taser fighting?

So, in the end, I see nothing but chuckles

(2 missing fingers | poke the bear)

Thursday, January 16th, 2014
10:17 am - POLL
Strip party games

(poke the bear)

Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
1:58 pm - Quotes
"Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat" - Jean-Paul Satre

"Fear, like love, is difficult to explain after it has subsided, probably because it draws away the veils of illusion as it disappears" - Arthur Miller

"The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face" - Jack Handey

(poke the bear)

Monday, November 4th, 2013
11:48 am - POLL
Super powers poll

(6 missing fingers | poke the bear)

Friday, October 25th, 2013
5:16 pm - Quotes
"It is often easier to fight for a principle than to live up to it" - Adlai Stevenson

"Do not think of knocking out another person's brains because he differs in opinion from you. It would be as rational to knock yourself on the head because you differ from yourself 10 years ago" - Horace Mann

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet" - Jack London

(poke the bear)

Thursday, October 17th, 2013
5:57 pm - Quotes
"All the world's a stage, and most of us are desperately unrehearsed" - Sean O'Casey

"The trouble about man is twofold: He cannot learn truths which are too complicated; he forgets truths which are too simple" - Rebecca West

"There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign" - Robert Louis Stevenson

(1 missing finger | poke the bear)

Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
5:59 pm - Quotes
"The most futile thing in this world is any attempt at exact definition of character. All individuals are a bundle of contradictions" - Theodore Dreiser

"Stupidity is the same as evil, if you judge by the results" - Margaret Atwood

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" - Mark Twain

(poke the bear)

Thursday, September 12th, 2013
3:18 pm - Quotes
"The ideal scientist thinks like a poet and works like a bookkeeper" - E.O. Wilson

"Wit has truth to it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words" - Dorothy Parker

"Flattery is like gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it" - Hank Ketcham

(poke the bear)

Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
9:45 am - Quotes
"What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do during our leisure hours determines what we are" - George Eastman

"The forceps of our minds are clumsy things and crush the truth a little in the course of taking hold of it" - H.G. Wells

"We are all born mad. Some remain so" - Samuel Beckett

(1 missing finger | poke the bear)

Thursday, August 15th, 2013
10:22 am - POLL
Survival poll

(poke the bear)

Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
5:49 pm - Quotes
"The size of a planet doesn't strike you until you start looking for something" - David Sedaris

"The truth stalks us like bad credit" - Ta-Nehisi Coates

"As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence" - Benjamin Franklin

(poke the bear)

Friday, August 9th, 2013
1:41 pm
For $5,000,000, would you...?

(poke the bear)

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